‘Don’t judge a book by its cover,’ they say.
But come on, who are we kidding? Tinder is a social dating app specifically designed for just that. At least before you get lucky enough for them to be reading your bio that is. I agree, beauty and abs are added bonus but we all know how a bad opening can completely ruin the prospect of a good conversation.
First things first – plain old ‘Hey,’ ‘Hi,’ ‘Wyd?’ and ‘Dtf?’ don’t work anymore. To start a conversation on Tinder is always such a risk.
Who texts first? What do I say? How long do I wait? Do I have to compliment them?
Next, I personally think the last person to match should be the first one to text. Can we get this trending already? #MatchLastTextFirst
Let’s get practical though – girls rarely approach us. I’m not saying they never, I’m just saying that if you’re a guy, then the ball is in your court and that you will probably have to text first. So being a guy really puts on the added pressure of approaching girls – yes boys, even online.
So if you’re a girl who’s reading this, just say, ‘hey’ because there’s a 90/100 chance that you’ll get a response from a guy. And if you’re stuck because you have to text a girl, or a guy, then hey girl, welcome aboard!
Just so you know ladies, we love it when you make it first move. So notwithstanding prehistoric gender roles, let’s risk it, biscuit. We both swiped right to match, right?
Table of Contents (Quick Navigation)
- So How I Start a Conversation on Tinder?
- How Can I Get Matches on Tinder?
- Know Your Audience
- Ditch the ‘Hey’ Already
- Try Saying Their Name
- Pay Attention to Their Tinder Profile Too
- Stir Up Some Emotions
- Use GIFs and Emojis
- Good Grammar is Critical
- Don’t Get Too Sexual
- Keep it Simple Silly
- Is this Only for Tinder?
So How I Start a Conversation on Tinder?
Being an average looking guy myself, it was hard enough to match with girls already but even when I did, I rarely got enough responses from them. While I had lesser attractive friends going out on Tinder dates every weekend, my tinder experiences didn’t last over 4 texts long.
That’s when I knew my Tinder profile needed a facelift.
So before you start swiping, you need to make sure you get matched. And to guarantee that your profile should be worthy of a right swipe.
Whether or not you have the abs or the big booty, you are most likely to match easily if you have an interesting profile: select your best photos, get a good bio, and really – send that text already!.
How Can I Get Matches on Tinder?
Don’t worry, you don’t have to use any heavy makeup or photoshop. You just have to make it attractive enough for them to read your bio. Throw out those mirror selfies, that “cool” photo by the beach from 2016 and also the one where you’re posing by your car. Nobody cares.
I’m not going to give you openers or help you with pick up lines. What I can do is give you the truth and nothing but the brutal truth. Want some effective advice? These are gonna be some hard pills to swallow.
Owning a house, listing the countries you’ve been to or having abs is NOT a personality trait. Do you know what is? Having a dog or any other pet for that matter. Go ahead put up those cute animals that aren’t even yours, at least they’ll speak something about you.
Make sure you have photos that clearly show your face and body. It doesn’t matter how you look, it’s all about that confidence – chicks dig confidence. Mix it up – put up a one with that big smile and a broody one, they both work both ways.
If you survive the first judgement, next, you will need a Tinder bio.
Tinder bios are CRUCIAL. Tinder statistics actually show that people without bios are 50% less likely to get swiped right. This is your your place to show your wits. Humour it up or just list the things you like but do not leave that empty.
Keep it all short and simple. Once you have all your essentials checked, that’s when you have to put in some real work, especially for profiles above your league.
Let me take you to the pro shop!
Know Your Audience
‘It’s a match!’
Looks familiar? Hold your guns.
Before you type anything let’s, tick off the basics again. Take a look at their age and interests. See if there’s anything that gives away their maturity level. Only then think of how you’re going to start a conversation with them on Tinder.
Even then, I would wait at least 12 hours before I send a message. You don’t want to look desperate or like you have nothing else to do.
Tinder allows you to connect your Instagram and Spotify accounts too. You can tell a lot about a person by just knowing their taste in music and the photos they choose to upload.
Something that works for a casual-minded person in their early 20s laugh and respond won’t probably work the same for relationship-minded matches in their 30s. These are very different audiences and you need to mould your conversation starters accordingly.
Ditch the ‘Hey’ Already
Regardless of how many Y’s you add after your hey, saying ‘Hey’ is outdated. Leave it in the ’80s and ’90’s where you were born because dating now is a whole new world. Especially through tinder where male to female ratio is really high already.
Unless you’re a model boring openers such as these are not going to get you many responses. So if you want a response from your match on Tinder, you’re going to have to work harder than the dozens of other ‘heys’ they haven’t responded to.
Take a few minutes to scan their profile and not just their face, hair, or body. Pick on something from their bio or your mutually shared interests if it’s out there.
One thing that always works for me is when I skip the introductory conversation altogether. I start the conversation like I have known her for a while. Even just playful assumptions like, “Favourite outdoor activity besides day drinking?” 8/10 this has worked in my favour.
Bonus if you already have something in common to talk about.
Keeping a casual but clearly showing that you’re still interested will help break the ice as well as ease any tension between your potential date. Or simply ask questions, not like you’re taking an interview but more like you are genuinely curious about their interests and hobbies.
Try Saying Their Name
If you still can’t think of anything better than a ‘Hey’ Address them with their name in your opener. I know this sounds lame but this again is one of my tried and true methods of starting a conversation with a girl on Tinder.
For instance, simply say, “Hey [their name], what’s up?” and you are more likely to get a response. Probably something to do with science and psychology, saying her name really works for me. It makes it sound more personal and not something you’ve copy-pasted to all the people you’ve matched with.
Another method that has unpredictably worked for me is – what I call it – The Name and Exclamation Method. Now, I know this sounds even lamer than the one right up there but believe me – it works.
Just say their name with an exclamation mark and hit send. This method is a 50/50 for me where it either works like magic or it doesn’t work at all. So I usually only try it on girls that look bold enough to give me their number in 2 lines. Yes, their numbers in 2 lines!
Like I mentioned before, this method is really dicey. You have to have a good enough profile that checks all my aforementioned criteria for this to work. Not just good enough but your Tinder profile needs to be near perfect.
Think about it, no one will share their number if you have a fake name and photos without any bio. You can’t seem like a creep who’s going to relentlessly send them weird texts. Your Tinder profile has to convince them otherwise.
Pay Attention to Their Tinder Profile Too
Tinder allows you to connect your Instagram and Spotify profiles. If they haven’t connected their profiles, there is a lot you can tell about your match by their profile photos and bio.
Scan them all thoroughly and find something common to talk about.
If you’re pursuing a really attractive match on Tinder, you can expect to be doing 90% of the talking at the beginning. Show that you are interested but do not give them too much of your attention or time. Keep them engaged and at the same time don’t try too hard.
Studies show that the more attention you give the lesser you receive.
Like I mentioned before, you have to put some effort into checking out your match’s profile. However superficial that may be, it is a part of them that they’re exposing to countless strangers. A tinder profile can tell you a lot about your match – like whether they are a party animal or an adventure junkie.
Either way, you have a lead to start a thoughtful conversation on Tinder.
Stir Up Some Emotions
Provoking emotions is always a foolproof method of getting someone to respond to you on Tinder. I compliment them to make them happy, talk about some food to evoke cravings. You can even engage their imagination by playing games to know more about them. Or bring out the bad jokes.
Every kind of emotion will reveal something new about them and in turn help you connect with them better. If you suck at bad jokes, try a lame pun or a pick up line. I realised people with a good sense of humour respond to puns better.
My favourite: Mountains aren’t just funny. I think they’re hill areas.
But the one that has 99% of the time worked for me is by playfully insulting them. Don’t believe me? Check it out for yourself.
If they have sense of humor like yourself you’ll receive a response like this. If not, then why pursue them anyway?
Use GIFs and Emojis
Sending a GIF has to be my personal favourite way of starting a conversation on Tinder. Who wouldn’t love Jimmy Fallon waving a bunch of hay to say Hey?
you are 30% more likely to get a response by opening with a GIF and conversations including GIFS last 2x longer on average.
Using the right GIF adds humour and you should know how that benefits you. Women are naturally attracted to men with a good sense of humour and vice versa. One GIF can convey more message than a dozen emojis.
Emojis are a great way to show someone you’re into them. Studies also show that a person uses more emojis while texting with the person they are attracted to. Depending again on the type of audience aforementioned of course
If the person you want to kickstart a conversation with is a trendy millennial who has a questionable number of emojis on their bio itself, go ahead and get animated. Emojis will definitely help start a conversation on Tinder as well as to keep it going.
Anything is better than asking dull questions like, “Where are you from?”
Good Grammar is Critical
First impressions last.
You can’t text send lazy abbreviations to a Harvard graduate. Going back to my point about knowing your audience, adapt your conversations according to the type of person you match with.
Having good grammar will always work in your favour. You don’t need to be some Charles Bukowski or anything but just get the basics right. Like using simple punctuations and knowing the difference between “your” and “you’re.”
At the same time, no one appreciates a Grammar Nazi. If your match has a few errors or even deliberate abbreviations, don’t correct them. It is a major turn-off for me when girls correct my typos and I’m sure there are many like me.
Don’t Get Too Sexual
We all are on Tinder for a potential date that will (hopefully) lead to a hookup. You really don’t have to come off strongly with that.
Try engaging a good conversation. A connection is so much sexier.
I don’t even want to elaborate on this one.
Nobody likes hearing it – grow up. Period.
Keep it Simple Silly
Starting a conversation on Tinder is something like going up to a person and saying, ‘Hey! you look good, I like you’ in real life. Maybe pushing them to your right while you say so.
Sounds obnoxious, right?
Remember the person you are texting on tinder is a real human you are talking to at the end of the day. Be nice that’s all.
Also do the Based on my obvious expertise, my final advice would be to keep it simple and casual.
It’s not a job interview where you have to ask questions like, “What do you do?”, “Where do you live?’’ “What are your hobbies?” and “Where are you from?” these are questions even you don’t want to answer.
Instead, you want to set a fun mood by flirting, teasing, and having a light conversation.
Remember they swiped right too so you’re already a step ahead. Wait to see how comfortable they are with you and if they are as into you as you are into them. Whether they ask you questions or use emojis.
If they do, what are you waiting for? Go ahead, ask them out!
Is this Only for Tinder?
Not at all! My advice is universally applicable.
Now that you know how to start a conversation on Tinder, you can start a conversation on platforms like Bumble, OkCupid, Tantan, Grindr and countless other online dating apps. I made my mistakes so you don’t have to make them.
Also, don’t force them into an answer. The idea is to gently plant the idea of a date and see if they respond positively. Leave no space for them to directly reject you. If you want tips on how to ask your match out, leave it down in the comments below and I can elaborate on this topic.
Whether you are a guy or a girl, just be sure to take the lead. Don’t wait too long to ask them out either. Remember, confidence is key.
Go on, start swiping!