You may be a Dornan, or a Skarsgard or a Hemsworth but you might not be getting the desired attention from the women around you in the way the likes of Jamie Dornan, Chris Hemsworth or Alexander Skarsgard do. What could possibly lead to such situations? Has this thought ever crossed your mind?
Many of us, men or women, are well aware of the attention that is paid towards us whenever we walk out of our doorstep. And when the attention fades gradually, we often wonder what might have gone wrong. Moreso, we get a sense that there must be something wrong with our appearance or with the sense of fashion that led to the limelight being stolen from us. But hey folks, it’s not all about looks, you know?
A classmate in my school once quoted someone who said, “ Don’t pine after looks for looks are deceitful.” I never knew the essence of the saying until some time before. Good looks is an essence to me, especially when I date someone but that would not be the top of my priority. I’ve come far across the phase of getting infatuated with charming bad boys who’ve proven to be hollow on the inside and heavenly from the outside. I, now, consider dating someone who I’d find attractive on a mental level. Being a sapiosexual, I admire intellect and wisdom in a man, besides good looks and I’d date someone who fits the description.
With that being said, I’ve noticed how even the hottest men and women struggle to find a potentially dateable partner. They are found to obsess over their appealing looks and have the mindset that looking like a “Greek God/Goddess” would help them bag anyone who they’d want to hook-up with. But that isn’t true at all.
My discussion, today, shall be focused on the “hottest men”. I might cover the “hottest women” in some other blog session.
If you class yourself as one of the hottest men around but are, yet, facing the difficulty in getting an affirmative answer upon asking a girl out, it could be happening because of a number of reasons. I shall point 6 such reasons is my article.
Here we go!
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1. You have never made an effort to learn about women
People don’t emphasize the essence of being a good listener for nothing. It does serve its purpose, in more ways than one.
If you are one of those self-obsessed men, you might have chased dozens of women away only because of your obsessive nature.
Also, there is an equal chance that you might not have let the other party have their say. Let’s discuss a case-scenario. You take someone on a date and everything seems to be going well for a while. But soon after, you might start taking countless selfies and telling them about your side profile that looks best in the pictures.
A moment later, you might start asking her if she considers herself lucky enough for bagging such a stud. She might smile but in her heart, she’ll have already thought of you to be a douchebag and will start praying for the date to be over.
The moment you’re done with your psycho-blabber, so will your chances of going on a second date with her be. And you’re the one wondering what went wrong, aren’t you?
2. You don’t make her a priority
In this insanely busy world of today, we often struggle to find some time off the schedule to spend with our beloved. But as time passes by, the bond gradually fades away and just before you know, the relationship will have come to a halt.
Being the hot man you are, you might hang out a lot in the clubs, pubs, and discotheques whenever you’re not busy with work. But if you take a moment and take a look at your love life, you’ll see what a hot mess it has really become.
Your good looks might have factored in whilst your girlfriend initially began dating you, but once she realizes that you don’t treat her better, she might as well stop making the whole relationship thing her priority. And before you even realize, someone else might have made her their priority.
Still wondering how you chased her away? That’s how!
3. You don’t work to build a foundation
With that level of a hotness quotient, you might be the kind of a person who’d ask someone out for a date without knowing anything about them. If someone approaches you as a friend, you might drive them away instantly because you don’t want to lie in the most dreaded “friend-zone”.
By doing this, you are missing out on the importance of forming friendships. You might fall for someone at first sight but then upon knowing who they really are, you might not even find them subtly attractive, let alone consider being in a relationship with them.
So might be the case with the woman who says “yes” to go out on a date with you. At first, she might be awestruck to have bagged such a good-looking person as a date but maybe after a few dates, she might start questioning your likeability because all you’d want to talk about would be yourself and yourself, without telling her anything at all about your personal life.
You might be of the perception that friends are the only people who you could share your personal baggage with. But by doing so, you are undermining the capacity of the bond that even a slight level of friendship between couples would form.
Whoever said it, said it right. You can form a friendship without being in a relationship but you can never be in a relationship without being friends in the first place.
4. You are inconsistent
Remember Katy Perry’s song, “Hot N Cold”? You might be one of the guys as described in the song.
You might be a today’s Yes and tomorrow’s No man. You might talk about love, commitment, marriage, family, and children one day. And the other day, you might even struggle to remember her name. So, tell me, what impression is she supposed to have of you?
I’ve made a mistake of fiddling around with someone for a brief period in my teenage years and I’ve had karma turn around for me. There! I held myself accountable for my mistakes. That’s what you should do too.
Just think of it this way. By telling the things that you don’t really mean at the core of your heart, you might have been raising the expectations of the other person involved. An act of negligence is bound to tear that heart apart.
The world has enough of heartbreaks already. Don’t be another causative agent. Be a good person and stop messing around with hearts because karma will hit right back at you!
5. You focus too much on her looks
Appearance is overrated.
If you’re obsessed with dating the prettiest girl around, you might have a slim chance of finding a real connection, the connection that could possibly last a lifetime.
Also, if you make someone feel as if you are dating them just for their beauty, it’ll make them believe that you’re only dating them because of their looks. You might wonder in what ways that could be bad. Well, firstly, rating women in standards of beauty is a pure form of objectification. Secondly, a woman is much more than her beauty.
Have you even considered admiring the qualities she possesses such as the virtues of kindness, generosity, intelligence, amongst others? The way you look at women is likely to trigger the feminists and the egalitarians around the world.
Also, bear this thought in your mind that if you continue objectifying women, no sensible woman in her right mind would ever consider going out and about with you.
6. Too much, too soon
We’ve discussed detachment issues until now. Let’s talk about attachment issues or clinginess now. If you are someone who feels over the top of the world upon having bagged someone who is out of your league, you might want to get hitched right at the first date.
But it’s a no-brainer that doing so will scare women away from you. This holds true especially if she has a sense of independence and is amongst most of us who want to take things slow.
Whilst you might think that texting her once every hour about how beautiful she is will send the vibes that you are totally into her, it will actually prove to be counter-productive and give her an impression about how clingy you really are.
So, save yourself the trouble and practice the art of patience. It really helps.
Whilst considering the above-mentioned points is absolutely essential if you want to have a real relationship, it is also important for you to know who you really are and what you really want from a relationship.
If you are struggling with your life and are taking time off to restructure your life to plan your destination, you might as well sort your life out first before getting into a relationship.
We often are quick to blame a failed relationship for every setback we have in our life. But as we grow up, we realize that we are in full control of our lives and we get to decide which pathway to opt in to.
Take ample time to discover your inner self and by then your perspective of life will have changed drastically. And with inner growth comes maturity. Eventually, you will be able to take logical decisions rather than just being blindsided by the flames of attraction.
I wish you the best in everything. I hope, believe and pray that I touched your life in one way or another.
I hope you find love. Good luck!